Anyway though, this week's review finally got long enough that it didn't feel awkward to cross-post it to DW and LJ as well. So I am just going to do that now! (For reference--my own, mostly--the previous tumblr reviews can be found if you scroll back a little ways through the KHR tag here.)
So hey, LJ and Dreamwidth actually have cuts! That sure is nice.
Somewhere, Hibari Kyoya is off fighting the Varia, sad and alone. And no one cares. …Well, no, I imagine people do actually care and some people are probably pissed off about it by this point, but. None of the other characters seem to care at any rate, so. XD I’M SORRY, HIBARI.
I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I thought for a little bit about why that is, and concluded that it’s probably because I actually read this chapter three times. First, and repeatedly, in my mind over the past week. Second, about three hours ago during the fifteen minutes I had between getting home from work, and running out to do other things. And lastly and most recently, about half an hour ago, during which I finally came to an epiphany of sorts.
Strangely enough, the chapter read very differently all three times! I shall now summarize for your enjoyment.
KHR 370, VERSION “IN MAKESTE’S MIND”
ADULT!REBORN: While it’s nice that everyone’s glad to see me, I’d appreciate it if the pants could all come back on now so we can get down to business.
TSUNA: OH MY GOD IT’S REBORN’S TRUE FORM! HE’S SO STRONG AND COOL AND DANGEROUS AND EVERYTHING A MAN SHOULD BE!
ADULT!REBORN: Damn straight. But more importantly—Iemitsu, you’re a dick and you tried to kill your son and my student and you’re a bad person and you should feel bad.
IEMITSU: Blah blah excuses blah blah let’s fight.
ADULT!REBORN: Blah blah lots of cool lines about taking fucking responsibility and being there for your son and maybe if you actually paid attention to him for once in your life you’d see that while he may be completely useless he’s not completely hopeless, I know because I am awesome and I’ve been his tutor and we have a fucking bond like you wouldn’t believe, man, isn’t that right, No-Good Tsuna?
TSUNA: *WIBBLY SHOUNEN AWE*
YAMAMOTO: *legs stop working on a tandem bike somewhere and angst ensues maybe, idk all right*
ADULT!REBORN: *punches Iemitsu in the balls*
IEMITSU: Reborn… you’re right… blah blah… lessons learned… Tsuna forgive me…
TSUNA: Blah blah heartfelt shounen speech of understanding!!! Dad you still suck but maybe this is a turning point in our relationship and from here on out we can turn a new leaf! And I’ll prove to you that I really am strong, damn it!
IEMITSU: I BELIEVE IN YOU… oh look, my watch is all broken, ain’t that a bitch.
ADULT!REBORN: My work here is done. *changes back to baby form*
And then, when I actually read the chapter…
KHR 370, VERSION “DISAPPOINTING REALITY”
ADULT!REBORN: *stands around, milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard*
TSUNA: YOU… YOU’RE… WHO ARE YOU.
LAL AND COLONNELLO: OH MY GOD TSUNA, YOU’RE RETARDED.
ADULT!REBORN: I’M NO ONE. I’M A STRANGER. DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.
ADULT!REBORN: Iemitsu you’re a dick imma fight you now. Tsuna, pay attention.
ADULT!REBORN: Tsuna, lesson one. You were wrong to think you’re better than your father, you suck at fighting, and your dad is a strong man who always gives his all for the sake of his family.
ADULT!REBORN: And lesson two, blah blah dying will means you have to be truly desperate and willing to risk it all or something idk whatever.
ADULT!REBORN: *SHOOTS IEMITSU ALL TO SHIT*
LAL: Holy shit, he targeted the CAROTID ARTERY PRECISELY! I think that means Iemitsu should be dead.
IEMITSU: *FALLS DOWN*
IEMITSU: *GETS UP. IS FINE*
ADULT!REBORN: My work here is done. *changes back to baby form*
TSUNA: REBORN WHERE WERE YOU. WHO WAS THAT MYSTERIOUS FEDORAED MAN. NEVERMIND, DOWN TO BUSINESS.
TSUNA: *blah blah fighting, kerpunched, zero point breakthrough*
CLIFFHANGER: *NOT REALLY FEELING IT?!*
CRUEL REALITY. CRUSHED EXPECTATIONS. SANTA CLAUS ISN’T REAL. STAR WARS PREQUELS MOSTLY SUCKED. THE NEW RADIOHEAD ALBUM WAS ONLY SO-SO. THAT COOL NEW THING YOU ORDERED FROM THINKGEEK WAS ONLY MILDLY ENTERTAINING FOR A DAY OR SO AND THEN YOU FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT.
Finally, I calmed down a little and came back to read the chapter with a fresh perspective.
KHR 370, VERSION “WELL ALL RIGHT, YOUR MIND ISN’T BLOWN AND YOUR PANTS ARE STILL ON, BUT IT’S REALLY NOT AS BAD AS YOU FIRST THOUGHT”
FIRST FOUR PAGES: *STILL KIND OF DISAPPOINTING BUT AT LEAST THERE ARE LULZ AND REBORN IS BEING A COMPLETE TROLL WHICH IS ADMITTEDLY ENTERTAINING*
ADULT!REBORN: Iemitsu, in all three versions of this chapter you are still a dick, just FYI. Now Tsuna, pay attention. I’m gonna throw some hard truths at you, but like it or not, this is stuff you will actually need to acknowledge if you’re going to beat your dad.
ADULT!REBORN: Number one, you can’t afford to be so self-righteous that you refuse to admit that you are not, in fact, as powerful or experienced as your father. If you underestimate him and rush in all cocky and arrogant you’re going to lose.
ADULT!REBORN: *KICKS TSUNA IN THE HEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS EXPLANATION FOR NO APPARENT REASON*
ADULT!REBORN: And number two, vague hints about DYING WILL, hint hint, be willing to RISK IT ALL, hint hint hint. You’re my student and we have our special bond so I know you will understand my roundabout cryptic bullshit.
TSUNA: Astonishingly enough, I did understand it, or so it appears!
ADULT!REBORN: Yes, but before I get to that part, I’m going to shoot your dad in the carotid artery I guess, since it’s the next best thing to punching him in the balls.
REBORN: Okay, I’m done.
TSUNA: REBORN WHERE WERE YOU YOU APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE THERE WAS A GUY IN A SUIT. ON THE SECOND READ-THROUGH MY FAILURE TO OBSERVE ALL THIS IS SOMEHOW LESS ANNOYING AND MORE HILARIOUS.
IEMITSU: Well, Tsuna, did you understand everything the mysterious FEDORA MAN told you?
TSUNA: ACTUALLY, YES. BECAUSE FEDORA MAN IS A MUCH BETTER TEACHER THAN YOU. ANYWAY, YOU’RE STILL A DICK AND I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU BUT OK, FINE, YOU’RE STRONGER THAN ME.
IEMITSU: HE’S GOTTEN BETTER OMG. BUT—!
TSUNA: *KERPUNCHED* YOU’RE STRONG, FATHER, BUT… I WANT TO DEFEAT YOU!
TSUNA: *SHOUNEN DETERMINATION, ZERO POINT BREAKTHROUGH*
Having evaluated this chapter multiple times thus, I’m gonna go ahead and offer my final verdict: